If I Told You I Loved You
by MrsCullen14
Summary: There were so many emotions that I could possibly go through at this moment, but I had only one thing in mind. I loved him; him and no one else. AH. Normal Pairings.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** **So I decided to work on another story, but don't worry, I will still be writing **_**It Takes Two**_**. I decided that I wanted to go ahead and take a shot at another story at the same time. So here's my second fic and I hope you all enjoy it. This is just the prologue, but I'll try to have chapter 1 up soon! Love you all!**

**~Carla**

There were so many emotions that I could possibly go through at this moment, but I had only one thing in mind. I loved him; him and no one else. No matter what happened between us, I just couldn't forget about him. He was the first to make me feel like this. The first to make me realize I had a reason to live.

And now, as I sit alone in my room, hoping for him to come back to me, I am determined. Determined to get him back. No matter what it takes.


	2. Chapter 1: Do I Deserve Him?

"Edward…Edward! STOP!" I giggled while he threw me on his bed and tickled me senseless. Edward was such a great guy. Despite his popularity he was always there for me and eventually it turned into something more. I wasn't popular at all, but I do have to say that I get noticed just because I'm Edward Cullen's girlfriend.

Before I knew Edward, I was a seriously depressed girl who did drugs. I overdosed on Acetaminophen once all because I had thought that I had no reason to live. Luckily, my mom found me on the bathroom floor unconscious and called the ambulance. I had to get my stomach pumped and let's just say that wasn't a great experience. Ever since then, I have had a different outlook on life. Even though I continued my drugs, I always made sure to think about how much I took; that is, until I met Jacob Black.

He was a die-hard pothead, only thinking about getting laid and high. We became friends instantly and he introduced me to new drugs that I couldn't get tired of. I tried Weed, Shrooms, MDMA, Acid, Coke, Heroin, and pretty much everything imaginable. He took my virginity as soon as he saw the chance, but for some reason, I still hung out with Jake, no matter what he had done. As soon as my mom found out about this, she cut off all means of talking to Jake: No computer, no phone, no hanging out, NOTHING. She also sent me to live with my dad in Forks. I dreaded the place, but she said: 'It's for your own good Bella! You need to be away from all of this.' Little did she know that I wouldn't be away from it for a while.

She sent me to Forks at age 15 in the middle of my Freshman year. I was upset with my mom, but I'm glad she sent me to Forks instead of rehab. But, of course, I couldn't let go of my drugs just yet. I became friends with the wrong people in Forks High School. They stole, got drunk almost everyday, were drug addicts, and got into lots of fights. People knew me as 'Badass Bella.' Nobody but my friends talked to me; however, there was a group of students who seemed to be interested in me: Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie. They knew my reputation yet still treated me like another normal person.

Edward was the first to show an interest by talking to me. He knew I hung out with the wrong people but didn't know I was seriously addicted to all of that stuff. I later became best friends with him, and as soon as he found out about everything I did, he begged me to stop. I didn't listen to him at first; and soon, I slumped into depression again.

Edward cared for me and I cared for him. He helped me through my depression and listened to me whenever I cried or needed someone to talk to. He asked me over and over again to stop the drugs, so I eventually did. Even though I stopped the drugs, I was still depressed. I soon came to realize that having Edward as a friend made me happy, and eventually my depression disappeared altogether.

He asked me out one night when he was over at my house. He told me he really liked me, and I really liked him so I said yes. I was almost 16 at the time. We've been dating ever since, but what he doesn't know is that I love him. Not like those puppy dog 'I love yous' that teenage couples give, but the actual 'I love you.' Of course, Edward never actually said he loved me and I have never been able to admit it to him. I've been too afraid of being rejected and hurt to say something like that to him.

But, now, here I am at 17, about 3 years after I met him. I am in love with my boyfriend and spending the weekend with him at his house. His parents, Carlisle and Esme, are welcoming and love me. They know all about my past and support me in every way.

"I'm not going to stop until you take that back!" He looked down at me, smiling widely. I had told him that he was a fucking bitch for making fun of me when I tripped up the stairs, now he was determined to get the upper hand.

"Edward! Fine! Ahhh, I take it back! I'm sorry; please stop!" I looked at him and gave him the best puppy-dog eyes I could muster. He was a sucker for that look. Almost as immediately as I looked at him, he stopped.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?" I blushed at what he said and looked away. "Bella, look at me please."

I looked up at him, now hovering over me and my breath hitched. I've known him for about 3 years and I still couldn't get over how gorgeous he was and that he was all mine. I could feel the heat creeping up to my cheeks again. "Stop! You're making me blush."

I felt Edward's hand caress my cheek and he slowly leaned down to kiss me. It was a quick and chaste kiss. Almost too quick, and it caught me off guard. When I opened my eyes I saw him staring down at me with that crooked smile plastered onto his face.

I frowned at him and his smile was gone in a flash. "What's wrong, Bella?"

"Uh, I don't know. Maybe I wanted that kiss to last longer," I grumbled. I got upset a lot about our intimacy. He was always so careful about how fast we took things. This made me feel unwanted and stopped me every time from telling him that I loved him.

He looked at me again then leaned down for another kiss. This one lasted longer and was full of passion. I stuck my tongue out a bit and licked his lips for entrance. As soon as he allowed it, my tongue was in his mouth and wrestling against his. My hands that were holding his sides made their way up and tangled themselves in his hair while his hands moved to cup my face.

We were interrupted by a knocking at Edward's door. _Damnnit! Why now?!_ Edward's lips pulled away from mine and he groaned, getting up off the bed. He walked over to door and I heard him whisper in rage, "What do you want, Alice?"

"I demand to see Bella! You hogged her all Friday and I say that I should have her for the rest of the day. I promise I'll give her back by 7," I turned to look at Alice's pleading face. I guess it was true. It was Saturday afternoon and I hadn't spent anytime with Alice as I slept over. Alice skipped over to the edge of the bed, pushing Edward aside.

"Alice…" Edward warned.

I gave him an apologetic look and he pouted, "No, Edward, she's right. I should spend a few hours with her. You have hogged me."

Alice pulled me off the bed into a huge hug and she squealed. I walked over to Edward and gave him a hug around the waist then a peck on the lips. He held me tighter, not wanting to let me go and then whispered in my ear, "I'll miss you."

I smiled up at him and then let Alice drag me out of the room. We walked down the hall and then she opened the door to her room and pushed me in, "Oh, Bella! We're going to have so much fun! I'm going to take you shopping and take you to get your haircut!"

I groaned, "Alice! No, please. Is that seriously necessary?"

She nodded then told me to go take a quick shower while she picked out my clothes. It was only 1:30 PM. I'd spend around 6 hours of pure torture with Alice and no Edward. Could my day get any worse?

I walked into Alice's bathroom and looked around. She had millions of beauty supplies that I had no intention of using so I just walked over to the shower and turned it on. I looked in the mirror and thought to myself: _What did I do to deserve Edward? Why does he like me? I'm so plain._ I pulled my shirt up over my head then pulled my pants down. My body was a total disaster in my eyes. Yuck! My bra and panties followed and I soon walked into the shower.

Might as well enjoy this nice warm shower in Edward's house while it lasts. I was up for a long, torturous day. Great!

**A/N: Well, I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter! This was basically just some background info and some things to get the story started. I know this was short, but I hope the next chapters will be a bit longer! Thank You, Kinolaughs, for taking your time to beta a story by someone so average!**

**I hope you guys take a look at my other story, **_**It Takes Two.**_

**REVIEWS? REQUESTS?**


	3. Chapter 2: And the Problems Begin

**A/N: So, I was planning on making this chapter so much longer, but it just wasn't working for me so I stopped=[ But, there is good news! I just started my spring break so I'll be able to write so much more! Check out my other stories and the mini contest winner was IDEA 1!**

**Thank you crimsonmarie & ladys3194 for checking this out!**

**Chapter 2: And the Problems Begin**

Just as I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body, Alice barged into the bathroom. _OH MY GOD! Do I have no privacy?_ She looked at me with an apologetic smile, but with no intention of leaving the bathroom while I finished changing and getting ready.

"I know you're going to kill me for intruding like this," Alice was walking around the bathroom and picking up a couple of hair products, not bothering to look at me, "but I want to get you ready for our day together! We're going shopping as you already know, but then we're going… CLUBBING!"

I looked at her, shocked; I can't dance and I'm only 17! How am I going to get in anyways?

"_Alice_," I whined. "You know my balance issues and going to a club means dancing! Anyways, I'm not old enough to get in, so there goes all your plans."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. Rosalie and I know some people at the club we're going to so we can just sneak you in. It's going to be so much fun."

I looked at her with wide eyes. _Well, I tried._

"Now, be quiet and put on some underwear so you can take the towel off."

I walked into Edward's room and grabbed a pair of Victoria's Secret blue boy shorts and a matching blue bra. Alice looked at me with a disapproving look, but I just stuck my tongue out at her and put them on. As soon as I had my underwear on, I took the towel off and threw it on Edward's bed.

"Ready? Come on now, Bella. I won't go overboard now, but I will tonight," Alice had a mischievous look on her face and I gulped. I couldn't find words so I just sat down and let Alice work her 'wonders.'

I was in the bathroom for almost an hour. She dried my hair and flipped my bangs a little. There was a lot of tugging on my hair and every time I yelped she said: 'With beauty comes pain.' The make-up wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. She took her time and made it look natural. I actually kind of liked what she did.

I looked in the mirror and turned around a little too fast and I ended up bumping into Alice and sending us both on the floor with me on top of her. And, of course, just as that happened; Emmett came barging through the door to get us.

"Whoa there! So this is what you two have been doing all this time up here," Emmett let out a wolf whistle then looked me in the eye, an evil smile lighting up his face. "I've got to get Edward! This is priceless."

I got up and howled in anger at Emmett, flinging myself at him and completely forgetting my current half naked state.

I heard Emmett's booming laugh and felt a blush creep up to cheeks. _This day couldn't get anymore embarrassing_, I thought to myself.

"Relax, Bella. I was just joking, but I would suggest putting some, er… clothes on," he looked me up and down.

One thing about Emmett is that he may think of some perverted jokes about me and Edward, but he never was a perv towards me. He was like my older brother who always looked out for me and would kill Edward if he ever hurt me.

Emmett turned around and walked out of the bathroom. I looked at Alice who was now getting up and turning to me, ready to say something.

"That was awkward…" Alice laughed

I sighed, "Tell me about it."

"So, your make-up and hair are ready. Now it's time for your clothes. I'll be right back."

I waited for Alice to return and when she did, I was relieved the clothes she picked out were… appropriate. Well, except for the shoes since she knows my balance issues, well, suck. She picked out a pair of dark, super skinny, Abercrombie jeans and a white, Guess halter top. But really, the shoes? Well let's just say that they were a set of maroon, Yves Saint Laurent, Mary Jane pumps that matched perfectly with the maroon colored headband that was way overpriced as well.

I decided that I would let this go since I had barely spent any time with Alice. If I happened to fall and break a bone, well, Edward would have to deal with Alice himself.

********************

I walked down the stairs slowly with Alice behind me. She whistled loudly, scaring me to where I almost lost my balance and tumbled down the stairs. I did that once, and let me say, it hurt like hell!_ And_ I was taken to the hospital because I broke my arm. Luckily, nothing else had been damaged.

As soon as she whistled, everyone appeared at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't want to look up; I was too insecure about the way I looked, but as soon as I did, I was pleased. I looked over at Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle who were all smiling at me. Emmett, of course, was being Emmett and nodded his head to the side, motioning towards Edward and doing his little hip thrusts while biting his lip. I glared at him and he stopped. Thankfully no one noticed THAT little show.

What caught my attention the most was Edward's look. He was practically drooling. It was awkwardly silent while everyone assessed me. I looked back over at Edward and saw him mouth 'You, me, room, now.' Unfortunately, I couldn't do that since Alice was taking me shopping; and anyways, I'm too scared to give that part of me to him yet. I gave him an apologetic look and mouthed the words 'Can't, sorry' back at him. He pouted.

"Okayyy! Let's stop this awkwardness and get eating," Of course it would be Emmett. We all laughed at his eagerness.

I finished walking down the stairs and Alice winked at me before following everyone back into the dining room for lunch. I walked over to Edward, almost his height now, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He gave me a peck on the lips and whispered in my ear, "You look absolutely beautiful."

I looked up at him and blushed, then kissed him deeply. He was so sweet. I don't know why I don't have the nerve to tell him that I love him. Of course, maybe if I let him tell me himself it would be a lot easier for me. He has told me he loves me, I just never… I don't know. It's hard for me to be able to believe it. He's so perfect; I'm so average and normal.

Ironically enough, he whispered again in my ear, "I love you, Bella."

I choked; why was I not able to say it back? He's said this before. It's not anything new, but there was something different about it this time and I still had a hard time believing it. I felt like crying. I wanted to tell him I loved him so much and that I couldn't live without him, but I felt that if I did, I would only get hurt because he doesn't truly love me the way I love him. Even though we've been together for almost 3 years, I'm still so insecure.

"I… me, too," I whispered, choking back a sob and looking down. He put his finger under my chin and lifted my face up to look him in the eye. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't. I closed my eyes, the tears creeping down my face from the corners of my closed eyes.

"Shh, Shh. Don't cry, Bella. Please don't," he pulled me into a warm embrace and then started to kiss my tears away. "Let's go get lunch so you can head out with Alice and then when you come back we can talk about what's going on in your mind. Are you okay with that?"

I nodded and he finished drying my tears, putting his arm around my waist and pulling me to the dining room with him.

********************

Lunch was good. Esme made homemade lasagna. Luckily, no one asked me what was wrong even though they probably noticed that I had been crying.

Now here I am, in Alice's car, preparing for hours of shopping in Seattle. We had been driving for almost 25 minutes and it's been completely silent…well, until now.

"So, Bella, why were you crying? Please tell me Edward didn't do anything! " Of course Alice would make that assumption.

"It's kind of stupid. Can we please not talk about this, Alice? I'm just a bit hormonal today I guess." But I was; I had just gotten my period yesterday.

"Bella! I want to know what's going on in your mind! I want to be able to help you out! Please tell me what's wrong," She gave me that pleading look that I could never say no to.

"Well…" I started, not really wanting to talk about this. "I love Edward."

Why was it so much easier to say it to her than it was saying it to his face? Alice laughed, "No shit, dumbass! What's so bad about that?"

"That's not the problem. I'm just scared of actually telling him I love him. I feel as if he doesn't truly love me, no matter how many times he tells me he does…" I paused there for a second, "And I'm scared that if I tell him I love him, I'll get hurt."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella! Edward loves you. You've been together for almost 3 years now. Don't you see the way he looks at you? And—"

I cut her off, "I don't know! I don't! It just feels that way to me!"

"Bella! Just tell him the way you feel. I promise you he does mean it when he says 'I love you.' I actually suggest you tell him tonight," She winked at me then continued. "Who knows? Maybe you'll get something in return."  Okay! I'm used to something like that from Emmet, but from _ALICE?!_

"Alice, please, no. I'm not ready to do _that_ with him yet; even though I do love him."

I wasn't. He would have to prove himself that he loves me before that.

"Who said you had to have sex? You could do other stuff in the meantime? I mean seriously, the farthest you and Edward have gone is making out!"

"I don't know…" She looked at me and nodded.

The rest of the ride to Seattle was pretty comfortable. We listened to the radio, and sometimes we would sing along to the song. Alice and I rolled down our windows and belted out the words to Untouched by The Veronicas when it came on.

The shopping trip wasn't as bad as I imagined it, either. The worst part was the amount of money Alice was spending and when she dragged me into Agent Provocateur 'for my own good.' Otherwise, we bought some stuff from Guess, Armani, Juicy Couture, Kate Spade, Superdry, Oscar de la Renta, Fendi, and a bunch of other places. Alice told me that she had also picked out a surprise outfit for clubbing tonight, _Oh great! _I'm terrified to see that one.

*****************

It was around 6:30 when we got back. Everyone except for Rosalie was gone. She told us that Carlisle and Esme went out to dinner and that they wouldn't be back for a while. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward all went to the house Emmett had bought for him and Rosalie. They were all supposed to be getting ready over there while we got ready here.

"Rosalie, Bella… showers, NOW!" Well, Alice was a little bossy.

"Jesus Christ, Alice! Calm down! I already showered for tonight; I just need to get the clothes, hair, and make-up ready."

"Well, then get ready. Bella, go upstairs and shower. I'm gonna get ready and then Rosalie and I will do your hair and make-up." I'm terrified, I truly am. Earlier today, she said she wasn't going to go overboard, but that tonight she would.

I walked up the stairs and into Edward's room. I'm sure Alice would be bringing me my underwear and clothes later so I didn't need to get anything. I went directly into the bathroom, undressed, and stepped into the shower. Standing under the hot water, I allowed it to cascade down my body and unwind all my tense muscles from walking around in those heels all day. I also began to think about telling Edward I loved him. _Maybe I should listen to Alice. I think I will tell him tonight after going clubbing._

I do have to say that this clubbing idea that Alice came up with is ridiculous. She couldn't wait until I was 18? If I get caught I'll be in so much trouble, not to mention that Alice will most likely be in deep shit as well.

I turned off the shower and reached out to grab a towel. As soon as I got out, I dried my body and wrapped the towel around myself to walk out into Edward's room.

"Alice!" I yelled at the top of my lungs to get her to come to where I was.

I could hear the footsteps outside of the door now and she opened it, "Geez! No need to yell."

She looked absolutely stunning. Her short hair was straight and flipped up a bit instead of just sticking out in all different directions. Her make-up was dark yet natural which would definitely make her stand out. She wore a black, quarter sleeved, stretch dress from Bebe that she bought today. Her shoes were a pair of black suede, Fendi platform booties. They made her tiny height reach up to eye level with me.

"Wow, Alice! You look great!" I couldn't help but admire her.

"Thanks! Hopefully I'll get an even better reaction from Jazz," She was beaming while she said this. "Now, let me get you dressed and ready before you freak out on me and change your mind. Hold on, I'll be right back."

Alice walked out of the room and then came back in with a bag in her hand, "Remember when I told you that I got you a surprise today?" I nodded, "Well, this is it!" She squealed and took everything out of the bag and showed me the contents.

I have to say that it was very… well, uh… sexy. The first thing I noticed was the pathetic excuse of a denim skirt. It was tiny; probably didn't even go midway down my thigh. Along with the skirt she had a nice white belt that was reversible and on the other side was leopard print. I was told that I would be using the white side. The top was a little more decent. It was a white, button front, sleeveless corset top. I wouldn't have to be wearing a bra since it already had one built in. She also threw a black Italian jacket at me and said that it was just in case it got cold. Last, but not least, were the killer heals that I would have to wear once again. Not to mention how expensive they were! They were Christian Louboutin three-strap Mary Janes. I couldn't believe she bought them for me.

"Alice! I can't believe you spent this much on me," I was semi furious, "Damnit! Are you _trying_ to get Edward to fuck me? I'm not ready for that yet. I told you!"

"Oh, shut up, Bella. I'm not trying to get Edward to do anything. I just think you'd look especially hot in this," She gave me a huge grin before calling for Rosalie.

She walked into the room with a bunch of hair product and a curling iron, "I am so ready for this. Let's get started!"

Rosalie looked amazing in anything. She wore a pair of purple, animal print skinnys, an oversized t-shirt, and white pumps. I would kill to be able to wear something like that!

"Damn, Rose! You look great!" Alice chimed in.

"Thanks; what do you think, Bella?" She turned over to me and gave me a warm smile.

"Wow! You look amazing. No lie," I smiled back and whispered almost inaudibly. "I wish I could look as hot."

Only Alice could hear and she slapped me, "Don't EVER say that again unless you want me to keep slapping you! You are gorgeous, Bella. You always will be. You don't need to look like a sex goddess to be hot."

I sighed. Sometimes I just can't believe things from Alice because of my insecurity issues. I've always thought myself to be boring and plain. Nothing else.

"Alright! Well let's get started!" Rosalie's enthusiasm made me almost throw up a little. I suddenly wasn't looking forward to this.

Alice and Rosalie worked like lightning. They curled my hair and did my make-up a bit too edgy for my taste with the charcoal black around my eyes. They dressed me in the dreaded outfit and asked me a couple times what was wrong. Of course, I just shrugged it off and said I was fine. When they finished they said I looked beautiful, and to tell the truth, as soon as I looked in the mirror, I felt dirty and whorish. This just wasn't me.

Now, I'm terrified to hear what Edward thinks.


End file.
